Viewing vast Difference in the World

I saw pairs of people wrestling as a form exercise, in a shiny high rise, with bright light and fancy glass doors.

Right on the other side of the road, there was a group of people, sitting outside, in blankets and jackets, to keep themselves warm, in the chilly weather outside, talking about life in general.

Here I was walking, thinking about investments, planning a secure future.

The vast difference  in the world, is astonishing, and I am trying every day, to reconcile these differences internally and pondering, what can I really do. 

New things

My new bosses came by to check on me, everyday, during the first week of starting the new job.

It felt weird initially, but I like it now. Thats the thing about being in toxic environment for too long, even the nice things seem weird. Glad to be out.  

I didnt want to move, the blanket was so comfortable and cozy.
And so, I didnt.

I spent the entire day in bed, having maggi and binge watching a show, trying to run away from the troubles, feeling alone in this struggle.

Being at home makes me feel safe, loved, cared and nurtured.


When I am on my own, I am constantly fighting battles, learning to make a mark, to take care of myself and to stand on my own. Why did I choose this life, I wonder.  

And they all want these cookie cutters, who are intense, intimidate their staff, but what if some of us are none of that and can actually get work done from the staff in a friendly way, maybe hard to believe for some, but theres another way of doing thing, without invoking fear . 

Word for Word.

We’re wired to process things intensely, and we deplete faster than those who aren’t highly sensitive. I startle so easily, I tell people I was a spooked horse in a past life. But the good feels extra good, too — like noticing a slightly irregular beer bottle, or hearing a song that’s nothing short of euphoric. To recover, we slip into vacuums free of sensory input.

Ask a chain of questions, and you’re an extrovert for a night without having to talk about yourself. You could even muffle New York City if you lie in bed, put two speakers on either side of you, fill them with white noise, pop a Xanax, turn on a fan, jam in earplugs, and smother your head with a pillow.

Any tears, invasive rumination or compulsions, and rage about small injustices were plucked out and canned behind closed doors. I never wanted to confess the stupor I felt after someone was mean to me, or that I well up with happy tears when I’m feeling earnest, which happens a lot with nice customer service representatives. 

And when I saw these 2 together, I felt a little out of place, I caught myself wishing for what they have.
This could have been me, I wish this was me, I am hoping this would be us soon.

Who would have thought that the place I have called home, wont feel like home anymore.
Does that mean I dont have a place thats my home, where I can sleep like a baby with no stress and tension of the world...

Its a strange feeling indeed...

Alexandria, MN

After a bit of travelling myself, this is the first city I have seen that gives an opportunity to people with special needs in retail. Its a positive change to see.

The cynical side in me says that, since it is a small town, there are less people, and hence the opportunities.

But today, I am going to go with the positive side.

Sweet Little things

Coming home to an aroma of cooked meal after a long day at work is so refreshing, homely and peaceful. And then finding a burnt roti as his first attempt at it, is just very adorable. 

The new year!

2015 has been quite a year with so many ups and downs. I still cant believe I survived 2 car accidents back to back in a month. Its negative effects are still there, which at times, is difficult to cope with.

On some positive notes, there have been so many changes this year, people that are close to me, that have started new phases of life. Its a great change and I am happy for them.

All these things really took up a lot of my time this year and I was not able to push myself to doing new things and challenging myself. This was the first year that I did not play field hockey, it felt weird.

For 2016, I do want to do new things and strengthen myself physically and manage the side effects of the accident.

I hope to remain positive as I have this past year.