Only ifs are hard, only ifs give you a false sense of hope.

Only if you were here... 

I had my first glimpse of reality last weekend.
Smell of pot was pretty funny.
The new advent is approaching. 

The next couple of months

The new journey that lies ahead is daunting and exciting.

A part of me wishes there was something that I did not wish leave behind, but if there was, this would have been an even harder decision.

Its going to get tough and challenging

1) Know that this is because a part of you always wanted to experience this
2) Know that you have really worked so hard for those two letters
3) Independence and individuality is what you wanted to seek
4) Those who care and matter, will always be there for you, some a phone call away, some in your thoughts and some in your heart.

Woke up to reminiscing

Some songs pretty much sum up what you feel..this is one of them...aaj jaane ki zid na karo..

The old and the new
The far and the close
Doors that are now tightly shut
Dreams, laughs, smiles, cries..all of it.

love is never silent

This made me smile..

The road to success is not what I had planned for, but it has been interesting, and I have stayed positive through all of it. The love from family and few souls keeps me going.

Stereotypes

Stereotypes are so common, that it is astonishing. What we do with it, is important.

Growing up, I have heard so many prenotions about punjabis, marwadis.

The other day, when I went to the dentist, at quick glance at the hygienist made me think that he probably wont do a good job. He had big piercings and immediately, I thought that he would be quite a punk. But, that was far from the truth. He was so good at his job!

We all have prenotions based on our past experiences and from what we hear. It is critical to not let it affect our actions and words and our opinions of someone.  

I could go after them, for what they have wrongfully done. I dont want to, because, that is not my priority. 

A part of me wishes to run to you and embrace you. Instead, you see me care and fret over you.

But I cant let you see that part, because, that will give you hope.

So, I keep that part neatly tucked in. And I wish the best for you.

The droplets of hope, that we all need, every now and then.

It will come, what we want and what we wish, it will.

I had almost cancelled this trip last minute. So thankful to mom who reasoned it out with me. Feeling so much better and ready to face the music. The change in the atmosphere, the beaches, the amazing people and interesting people that we met, really did us well. 

I am going to battle it out, like I always have, for survival and for my and my parents' dream.

To each sorrow and each tear shed, you have made me a stronger person.

Hating love, aching for success

My heart will go on

The little girl still dreams of her prince, of love, of hope and of living happily ever after..

Funny when men complain about staying up at night because of their really young kids at a meeting.

Fear

Fear that engulfs you now makes you weak.

Returning to playing the game after getting injured has been quite interesting. Performance is mediocre as I am scared of approaching someone with the fear of getting injured again.

Similarly, we get injured and hurt so many times in life that we dont like to go that route again, of trusting individuals, of believing in ourselves, of having faith in others.
But the real challenge is to get back on it, to play the game the way it is meant to be.

Heard someone on the field tell me, go for a run Aman! And I did.



Hats off to the professional players who come back everytime after getting injured. They must really love the sport!

Some days you wish like hurting them back for hurting you, for not even realizing that they are hurting you.

But then you know how it feels to be hurt, and it is not a pleasant feeling.

So you keep mum and go hum that song, which used to be our favourite.

to keep it together a little longer

When nothing goes right for months together, you start to believe in things you never thought of before.
Gotta stay strong, all along.
Can never let anything happen to family.

Gotta ask God , where is the sunlight 

Be kind.

I met someone who had not played field hockey since quite a while. She was rusty but you could tell she was happy being back on the turf.

I found out that she would be unable to come to the mini tournament next week. I also found out why.


Our parents are such an integral part of our lives, they are our first heros and heroines. They are with us throughout, supporting, loving and caring for us. To see them go, to know that they have only few weeks to live, that is one of the hardest things to live, to feel.


Be kind and be gentle to people around you, you dont know what battle they are fighting today.

Peaceful
serene
satisfied
happy


its been a long time and its been a bumpy journey. But glad to be where I am.

Its so important to eliminate things and people that bring you down.

Wait and hope....

 

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must of felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.
" Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.”

- Alexandre Dumas

TO..WOOT!

I had an amazing weekend, so refreshing and yet empowering.

It felt great to meet my old folks, the constant tugs of life had made me shun my past completeley in order for me to move ahead in life. But, this was just a beautiful reminder that my past was gorgeous and still should be my present as well as future.

A warm thank you note to those who stood by me, who understood me and who take me for who I am.

Somewhere, I am glad you are happy. I was mad for you not caring, for not giving a damn. But thats your choice.

I made a choice to let it go.

May the best happen to you. Gl.

Opening the doors again, to people I have shunned out.

That moment when you realize you have been attracting all the weird ppl in your life...

In ways unknown to me, I am glad to have steered cleared from making the worst decision of my life.


On another note, I feel different, as though I am a totally different individual as compared to some weeks ago.  So distant from almost everyone, but thats what pain does to you..

Turned you into a stranger, because you walked out when I needed it the most. Now there is no place for you in my life. 

And everyday, the door is closing slightly. The light should eventually stop seeping in.

I await for that moment.

Losing someone professionally is hard, especially if it is unforceen.

I saw CG yesterday, he was ok and today, he is no more.

One of the last memories is him explaning me how to get better at work...

Life gets hard at each stage, you lose people to the ultimate separation, involuntarily.

I hope and I pray he is ok and in peace and that his family can endure this harsh fact of life and come out victoriously.

Aaj bhi lage hai kuch adhora sa
Jaise koi raha par hum aab bhi khade hai...
Vade na lete hum toh shayad yeh na hota
Na baat banti aur na adhuri raat hoti

Aab dil ko samjhane lage hai
Jaane do unko jinhe rukna na tha
Jinki awaz me woh dum na raha
Woh kya mohabat nibhayenge

Tute hui umeedein mere kaam ki
Yeh na bhulne dengi ki
Awara logo se wafa aur izzat ki farmaish nai karte
Woh khud kuch kar jaye khud ke liye, wohi badi baat hogi

I went to the police station today for the first time in my life for no wrong reasons. I was a little apprehensive about going coz of how it is showed in movies.

It was really quiet and there was absolutely no one.

I just wanted to appreciate and thank God for keeping me steer clear from situations that would mandate going there. I am deeply blessed to have such a solid up bringing.  

There are some of us , who time and again give them the dagger, in the name of another chance only to realize that they pull it through our heart each time.

"Fuck it then "
How easy to throw it all out.
And here we were waiting to hear I love u.

Those words will remain the last memory , a nasty one. 

Someday, somewhere , someone will love you for who you are, accept your weaknesses , inspire you to be someone who you want to be. Who will always lookout for you each day , each night, whos day isnt complete without your aura.. 

A couple of things in my mind..

Loving comes easy to me, unconditionally, wholly and souly 

Lies I have been fed with. 

If you wanted me to be there next to you, you would make an effort. But you didnt. 

I miss the memories we had, but I am fine without you because what you have become is not what I fell for.

Roller coaster ride I can be, one moment laughing my lungs out and the next crying my eyes out.

Distant with almost everyone, yet being alone is not what I would prefer.

Special Moment

When the distance becomes so much that by looking at them, you dont recognize who they are anymore. Time passes by so fast...


When the distance being so much seems like nothing, and time elapsed seems nothing and you start where you left....thats a special moment..

some stories are never meant to begin, while some never end.

Why is life so weird?

Right when I thought of someone to be not worth it, they proved me wrong and showed me so much love. And I realized some folks are like guiding stars, who watch you from far and care in their own way.

And then someone, after all these years, coming back to say that they miss me...after all those times, the ego, the clash, they come back..

When I sweat so much for something in life, and I put it in jeopardy for someone who isnt even worth it..


Life is weird indeed...but what can I say...it goes on

When you are broken from inside, but strong from outside...

you dont have a choice...life goes on, work needs to be done. They dont care you are going through hell, need the report first thing tomorrow.

That last ray of hope, that one person, that used to make you smile in your shitty times...

Times change and so do people, I always say that here.  No one gives a damn about you besides your family.

Have that last brick of hope in me, which I wont let it break and that I will get through this.

While volunteering today at a tax clinic for seniors , a man in his 70s said he was ready to die and doesnt know why he is still alive..

I asked him - does he have children?
Yes, he said
What about grandkids?
Yes, he said
There u go, live for them.

Then I told him I havent seen my grandmothrr since 3 yrars. I told him not to say such things.

I was teary.. my eyes had swelled.

Miss u nani so much. Love u and hope to see you soon.

When you see them so happy for something new, someone afresh.

Their new excitement that they had for you..

And then you realize, damn, you were their toy too and now you are their replaced toy.

Soon to be!

What a weekend it has been...


I could not have ever imagined being a part of this celebration last year when I had not passed the exam.

Today, it all seems so sweet. It means so much, to finally accomplish this exam and celebrate the path to success.

Every past moment of sadness has been so nicely and perfectly been replaced by moments of happiness and given me more than I could have thought.

Thank you so much God for giving me this and for fulfilling my dream.

I remember the sadness and dejection in my parents eyes and then yesterday I saw their proud twinkling eyes.

All this couldnt have been possible without a few people in my life..

Sweta, Maryam, Tejas, Doll..

thanks so much guys. 

When the going gets difficult and when life engulfs us,
take time to rekindle yourself, take time to enjoy yourself.

Went to zumba after ages  and felt alive and MYSELF..   

Somedays we forget about our parents because we get so busy and occupied in our lives and problems.

I was touched by my mom when she thought about bringing me a trolley bag because she saw me struggle with heaps of bags when I go to work.

I realized my parents are getting old, dad gets tired. Its a weird and anxious feeling when your heros of life are slowly unwinding.

Love them to the core. Hope I can take care of them like they did when we were growing up.

Treat a woman right and she will always stay with you lovingly and faithfully. But that takes a mature man to realize that.

On another note, happy today for JH, he is one step closer to his dream. And hes like 5 hours away instead of 11 hours! hahaha time difference I mean.

Life goes on

The moments where everything within you is tearing apart and breaking down. But then when you look outside, you see wonders and appreciation.

"Life is good" car leading me to work.

My manager impressed by my work even when I know I dont have my mind into it.

A couple of ticks in my bucket list.. watched hockey game in an arena
And now figure skating.

Im glad I took up these coz im happy after quite sometime.

Thanks to my firm :)

Tonight was abt teenagers committing suicide..

We all need to ask n talk to someone n reach out. Im fortunate to hv them in my life n so thankful for their presence.

It only takes someone special to know your worth. Too bad for them if they dont see it. 

Meeting an old friend is always special.. so much has changed after uni.. its still nice to catch a glimpse of that..

Where is life taking u today is where u decide to go.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to be sad, you give it back 101 reasons to smile. and just be urself

Men, society and women is such a weird mess of things.

In this part of the world, it is normal and justified for men to be deceitful and women are expected to be the more cautious ones . Really? And here we were talking about equality. Disgusting.  

Hum tum ki sirf ek problem hai... tim ke bina hum adhure hai..


- one of my favourite movies Hum tum

Its everywhere in the newspaper about the girl who eventually died after she fell victim to the brutal and barbaric torture of 6 men.

This has had quite an impact on the way I have started seeing things, I can easily tell and make out the backward male mentality and the misogny..

It is said that the power ranking in India is -
1) Men
2) Cows
3) Other possible things
4) Women

which seems weird at first but then it is true, cows are holy and worshipped.

It reminds me of incidents that I thought I had long forgotten. Growing up in a modern city would seem easier, but it wasnt. Men were like wolves and I hated them until I met PT.

I cannot imagine how worse it would be in small towns and villages where there is hardly any educated folks and the mentality is still backward.

And I would think educated men are better, no, they have that backward mindset which I did not notice until now. Men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, career why? and it astonishes me that education did not help. It did not help change their thinking that men and women are equal.

So, I d ask women to speak up when something like this happens to you, like I beat the shit out of guys who eve teased me. I still dont take crap from guy friends who think girls are in any way inferior.

One day, this will change..I really wish someone would have come to help that girl. 

Congratulations!!

I am so happy for you, I am all in smiles.

After all those trials and tribulations, oh I remember those episodes during college, it is finally happening. It seemed so impossible back then, but now its finally happening. All those years of love finally tying the big knot.

It means quite a lot to me, that love and relationships do become permanent, I have always heard about it in stories, in movies and now its happening to you.

May you have a happy live ahead and may all your dreams come true with him. All the best.

Days like these, I realize I deserve better than this, who doesnt think everything I do is wrong.